Feeling alone tonight, bad day

Some nights When I work late, it’s hard. I get tiered and knowing that I am still going to be alone after 3 years for bedtime, that no one is going to hold me tight, that’s hard.

I was thinking again to my refused therapy and I was wondering if I should complain or at least ask them where else I could get helped since they don’t want to help me cause I am a vanner.

It’s easy I think to say that someone is affectively dependent when yourself get at least a hug everyday from your lover, a hand to hold in the car, someone to snuggle with sometimes when listening a movie. Imagine yourself being prived of all these contacts. I know that some people seems to not need any of that to feel themselves complete… But it’s not all of them.

I am wonderful… But when I give myself the mission to go talk to a pretty girl, I get totally blocked and the only thing I am able to do is to give the impression that I am the creepiest guy in the world.

Each time then I leave looking the floor disappointed of myself. So wonderful and unable to do such simple thing. That really KILLS me year after year, day after day.

Yes, sometimes a girl walk to me. At a rate of one per year… And I had plenty of choice. Smoking, 420 friendly, alcoholic, carnivore…

Everything i hate. I’m sad the quietest simplest girl don’t walk to me but at the end I think they may probably be stuck with the same problem as I am. Except that if one walks up to me looking clumsy or creepy, I will not kick her away pretending I have something else to do for that.

well. I go to bed now. I am tiered.

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